crossroad

What do you do when you realize the thing you have spent the majority of your life doing, no longer gives you the satisfaction it once did? I'm at that point. Years ago, I played in a band that stayed busy nearly every weekend. At the time, I loved it. I actually cared about playing good and people thinking well of me. In time though, we quit playing as much as we had been. I guess we got old and grew out of it a bit. I still missed the opportunity to "prove" myself in front of people so, on the rare occasion when given the chance, I would play pretty much where ever I could. I started playing for the church about three years ago. It was weird at first. Previously, I had been conditioned to "performing" for people the whole time I have been at this. It was hard to get out of that mindset for a long time. Every once in a while, I would still get a call to play outside of a worship setting and I would accept. The extra $ always helped. I was a little torn about whether or not I should be doing that and after some prayer, decided to continue. I honestly felt alright with it. In the mean time, God has apparently been at work in the mysterious places of the heart because recently, after a few sporadic gigs (I hate that word) I have been noticing I don't seem to be getting the same feeling afterward. I used to take pride in knowing I had played good. Now, I feel rather empty after I get home. Funny, huh? On the other hand, there have been recent times during the service for church where I have (I think) experienced authentic worship so powerful I could hardly contain myself and it was awesome! So, what to do? I have several more gigs (ugh) I have agreed to do this year. I would hate to let my friends down (and miss out on the $). I guess I just have to keep wrestling... on empty though.